Single and loving it

By Jessica Suzlon on Mon, 01-16-12, 12:15

Posted in Group:

I have been single for almost a year now and already used to it. Its easy and simple. More than anything, I have been happy and calm. Thank God, there is no one to fight with.
Now, every time a friend of mine cribs to me about how hopeless their relationships are, I wanna tell them how much time they are wasting. Of course, there will be fights in every relationship. But why fight when they can make love? And crib about the fights to someone (yea, me ) and make life hell.
I just dont get it. I have told them(my friends and their partners) so many times, - dont pick petty fights and just forgive and forget silly mistakes.. this may be is easier said than done. But its not impossible.

I guess as an outsider, I have learnt a lot of relationship lessons, which I might not have if I were to be in one.
All this has made me realize that the biggest tool to make a relationship work - Listening. If you can Listen, you have nothing to worry about if your partner values you. And if you can listen even when your partner hasnt said anything, you are a catch! And if you cant listen, its never too late to learn..

(Sorry about drifting into too many things. Just wanted to share this.)

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By Tman on Mon, 01-16-12, 12:59

hi Jessica, some people just cant be alone and would rather put up with all of the nonsense of a relationship than go solo.

you can deal with having a sex partner any way that works for you, as long as precautions are taken (which is what you would do anyway by starting a relationship, no?)

or you can give up sex for a while altogether. this would be the easiest and least stressful way to go.

take care,

Tony.

Be well,

Tony.

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By Jessica Suzlon on Tue, 01-17-12, 10:44

Thanks Tony.. Yes i have chosen the easiest and the least stressful way.. I try to work out a lot in the gym, so there is no energy left.. I like it this way.. no worries so far..

Love
Jess

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By Niketheplusle on Mon, 01-16-12, 23:37

How do you cope with being alone? I don't mean to sound like you should be with someone or that you should be lonely, but I have been single pretty much my enitre life and I have never gotten used to it...

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By Jessica Suzlon on Tue, 01-17-12, 10:36

Yea, sometimes I do feel lonely., But not much.. It gets easier every passing month. But doing some things I love and physically tiring myself (gyming) have helped me a lot. There is so much more than being in a relationship.. Its a bonus to have a healthy relationship..

Love
Jess

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By JessicaC on Mon, 01-16-12, 23:44

i see my friends fighting with their spouses or partners about crazy normal stuff and they talk about how they don't think they can stay with them and i just want to shake them.... they hae such FIXABLE PROBLEMS!!!

I'm not excited about being alone... but it is better than being with my STBX

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By Jessica Suzlon on Tue, 01-17-12, 10:42

Oh yes! its sad how people dont value what they already have sometimes.
But sometimes, arent u glad u are alone.. The never ending freedom and ample time for yourself.. I can finish up all the books that were piling up..

Love
Jess

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By JessicaC on Tue, 01-17-12, 11:27

LOL freedom and time for myself??? I'm a single mom now... there isn't much of either going on, LOL... but my situation was in a lot of ways becoming abusive, so I DO enjoy not having that kind of stress... I have different stress from being a single mom and dealing with a messy divorce, but I am no longer anxious and I can keep the house how I want and rais emy kids how I want and cook how I want and dress how I want without feeling like I have to try to be "good enough" for my husband and his family.

I am not a person who enjoys being alone, i like having someone who loves me to share my life with.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By Tman on Tue, 01-17-12, 12:25

i see many of my friends who are struggling needlessly in these co-dependant drama filled relationships! i just want to grab them and shout "hey, stupid..... you have the power to fix this madness in a new york minute, you dummy"

im not saying theres anything wrong with a healthy relationship. but people tend to become a drag on you..... they drag you down with them....... and no doubt i can be a drag on someone too, because im not going to be the poster child for their perceived shortfalls and inadequacies.

sure i get lonely. but im also fighting lymphoma, and dating and all of that is simply not much of an option for me now. my views on the whole thing have nothing to do with the lymphoma....... they were formulated after several relationships where i was doing the same things but expecting different results.
einstein said this "is the definition of insanity" he was right about a lot of things!

i hope that i didnt get too heavy....... ;- )

Be well,

Tony.

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By Jessica Suzlon on Fri, 02-03-12, 01:30

Not at all Heavy Tony.. It makes a lot of sense.. There is also a lot of science into being single and how that works better for most of us.

Love
Jess

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