I had a husband that thought I should keep my 'young' woman figure. In reality we become women and yes, older. I look back on pictures when he complained and I looked good. The mind games are hard to keep up with. Talking about how you feel when he parades you probably isn't heard. He need's to wake up, your not a sex symbol for members of the church. Venting or putting your thoughts here is a way to work through this. I hope you get through to him.

Your husband has his priorities very messed up, your body is your's and your's only, sharing pictures of you on facebook is creepy! The fact that your congregants are in on this is downright disgusting-I see this as a form of mental abuse. I just had my third child and yes I have been working hard to get back to my pre preggo shape and yes, in part because I want to be attractive to my husband, but also so I can be healthy. If my husband harped on how I had to loose weight or used me as some sort of weird trophy I would have a fit. I know you are in a sticky spot as a pastor's wife, but his position doesn't make him God.

Hugs-
CK

Thank you for the positive comments. My husband is still good to me but he just looks at me like he is upset. I guess its not really wrong for him to take pride in my looks but now he acts like he is embarressed. Sunday I had on a short dress I thought he would like and he told me that Im to fat to dress that way and insisted I wear something else so I did. He told me to make sure I stayed on my weight watchers. Last Night I thought about this and other things he said a lot.

If being over weight will allow me to stop dressing like a slut then maybe thats what ill just do.

This morning I ate 6 donuts and a pastry at work. I had a big mac for lunch and just finished a big cheesecake.

Everytime a man looks at me I know theyve seen all those photos of me and often they make comments about how good I look in a bikini. I think I have found a way to put an end to all that.

I love my husband but I think he should have a fat wife for a while and see how it really feels!

I totally understand your thoughts. But, it will be hard enough to feel healthy at this stage of life and you've done so well up until now - your health needs to come first. Don't let him decide how you feel. Do the best giving this stage of life. I don't think he'll ever be happy no matter what. If anything start wearing the style you're more comfortable with letting him know your feelings matter. If that isn't up to snuff , oh well, ..........................Weather you stand up for yourself or gain weight it seems that will get the same outcome. Be proud of your style. Hope it can be discussed in respect for you. Take care!

Ive just decided to not worry about putting on weight. I always knew I was causing men to lust after me and that was wrong. Even with just the weight I have i put on so far, I feel like thats not happening now.

I feel like this is the only way to deal with my husband. I have always been some kind of sex object for him to boast about but this is going to change all that. I do hope he can still love me after I gain another 20 or 30 pounds. Then at least Ill know he loves me for me and not just my body.

Ive just decided to not worry about putting on weight. I always knew I was causing men to lust after me and that was wrong. Even with just the weight I have i put on so far, I feel like thats not happening now.

I feel like this is the only way to deal with my husband. I have always been some kind of sex object for him to boast about but this is going to change all that. I do hope he can still love me after I gain another 20 or 30 pounds. Then at least Ill know he loves me for me and not just my body.

I'm curious, has he kept himself up? It is nice for both to stay healthy but then there's 'life'. I still would open up the conversation unless you already know his mindset. He's got a supportive wife, more power to you!

Long day today getting ready for thanksgiving. Ive always cooked but this year Im going to eat too.

My husband does look ok just a little pot belly. He is still a handsome man I think.

He has never worked out consistently like me. A few years ago he was A little heavier but he cut back and still looks good.

Yesterday I boxed up my things that wont fit anymore so today they can go to the thrift store. Last night my husband told me I should just keep them and after I lost weight could wear them again. Thats when I informed him Im not going to lose weight and might put on a little more. I seriouly thought he was going to cry and pleaded with me to work on a diet. He never once said I love you but he told me he loved my body the way it was. He is more concerned what other people will think of him if his wife is not the prettiest woman in the building. He offered to pay for anything I might need to help me but still never said I LOVE YOU, but he did say I dont want to lose your beautiful body.
I explained that Im 50 and couldnt look younger forever. I have had surgery for the veins in my legs 3 years ago and when I was 41 had breast implants. I did all that for him but now he still want more from me.
I dont know what will finally happen but I am feeling like giving in and starving myself again if he will tell me he loves me again.

If your man really loves you he would stick by you no matter what. He needs to understand that at your age you are transistioning into another part of your life.
Most men would fight to be married to a woman like you. I know I would. If he really doesnt care for you then find a man who does.
You sound like a very attractive lady and lots of men your age would love to be with you.
As for myself I would consider any woman who put herself through all you have to be a blessing from heaven and would love her with all my heart.
Doesnt your pastor husband know he is doing wrong by having you allow other men to veiw your body and lust. He should stop now and reverse all he can. A husband should enjoy his wifes body, but it should be between the two of them and not the entire congregation.
I wish you the best but remember he is not the only man on earth.

Yes you are a very attractive woman. I dont know what your husbands problem is. I think you have a great body. Hope to talk to you more.

Your husband sounds like a judgmental fake Christian. I am sickened by your story. In my opinion, his posting of pictures would be a dealbreaker. Dictating how you dress would be a dealbreaker. Telling you to go on a diet would be a dealbreaker. He sounds insecure, immature, controlling, and superficial as can be. My guess is you could jump through whatever hoops he sets up, and there'll still be more hoops he requires you to get through.

And the members of your church have commented on your weight gain????? WTF???? As I said...judgmental fake Christian.

My husband is not fake he is open about everything. He has never given more than a glance to any other woman, his passion was always for me. Christians are not perfect but we have opened our hearts to jesus. We should try to be more like him but dont always do what we should. We still mess up and have to repent again. Christians have problems, wants and desires just like everyone else. Since we are not perfect because we are people, there are no perfect churches. You should give God a chance. Please dont let other peoples sin come between you and your relationship with Jesus.
Thank you for making me think. Perhaps these changes I am going through is Gods way of changing me and my husband.
I have always been blessed with beauty and now its seems to suddenly be slipping away. I know I have always had problems with vanity and pride but God may be fixing that for me.

Your husband is an idiot. If he really loves you he wouldn't ask you to flaunt your body for other people. It seems he does it for himself and his ego. Men make me sick.

Girl, sound like he needs help I would of left his butt also cuz I know it is wrong posting pics on the Internet if u don't want no one seeing it u can sue him for that if u don't want people to see them and telli g u to lose weight come on really! Sorry but what a u know what! And he's a pastor !!!! If my fiancé told me to lose weight omg ill lose my mind! Girl what a life u got u need to b happy again and etc

Ok I have read ur last post if he really means those things to u then he better stay w those words
I can understand he wants u to b the pretties women in the building every guy wants their girls to b like that. But I don't care what my fiancé says if he ever said that to me u know what get out! Cuz my parents always told me someone will love u the way u r or the way u look!

The nice thing about being overweight is that you can go on a diet and change the way you look, should you choose. Your husband, on the other hand, can't join weightwatchers to change that he is superficial and controlling, through and through. He sounds like a real piece of work, to put it very nicely. He actually has you justifying his repulsive behavior.

Ok my husband has been true to me and I am not perfect either. He is good to me but just obsessed in this area. I know he still cares for me and he finally told me he will love me no matter what and that is a relief.
I knew he was putting those pictures of me on fb and I stopped a posed for most of them.
Please if you pray then pray for me.

I just wish u the best

I once was in a relationship like yours, only thing this bastard was not a pastor, he might as well have been with the way he carried himself, "Holier than thou!!!". Seems to me that you may be in a co-dependent relationship. This is simply by reading how ready you are to jump to his defense and try to indicate how nice of a husband he is, despite his "minimal" flaws. I would suggest that you wake up and see reality for what it is. Your husband reminds me of my controlling, manipulating ex that sucked me dry and would have continued to do so, had I let him. Pastor or not, you need to evaluate your relationship and decide, "What would Jesus Do". As one pointed out here, it hardly seems to me that his behavior is very "pastor-like". He seems to caught up in the flesh, even if that flesh is yours. He is trapped in what others think and to him you are simply a trophy!" I was a trophy, have been a trophy and refuse to be a trophy. I do not mean to upset you, or even suggest anything by my post, I merely respond to your post and feel sickened by your husband's behavior. I wonder how he would feel if the tables were turned? Please take care of yourself and do not let yourself play puppet in someone's sick life. It saddens me that you have decided to put on weight just as a way to get back at him. Will that honestly make you feel good about yourself? Is this about getting back at him? Do you think he will love you more then? Sorry these are hard questions, but ultimately questions that I had to ask myself. Why make this about him? Why not make this about you? Quit trying to get back at him. If you are going to put on weight, let it be because "you want to do it for you" but not to get back at him, for it could infact "backfire" on you. One of the greatest piece of advice I got was, "be an actor not a reactor". So choose your path and decide what you want to be and stop worrying about getting even with others, for you cannot control how others will react/respond to you. All the best with this pastor husband of yours. Seems to me, he has alot of growing up to do.

Everyone has a different idea about everything. I didnt pig out thanksgiving and guess I will get back on a diet and back in the gym. Im not just doing it for him its for me to. I may have worn my last bikini though-LOL and its time to move on. Thanks

What kind of church you all attending. It seems your husband has a problem and also you to you should sick the word on him. What kind of folks go to church were half naked is the norm, this is the lust of the eye, flesh, and the pride of life. what could he be preaching to have people feel free to come to church dressed unmodestly. His church must be carnal like their pastor.

The church their seems like a business. The bible says be ye holy and that includes the clothes you wear. Then go around telling people that you live for God. Tell your husband he needs to get saved. His heart is full of lust. Why don't you be a example and dress holy showing your flesh is not holy cover up and wear loose clothing.

That is why God said to dress modestly people are looking at you and every other person that is half naked or dressed to look suductive. Be ye holy because i am holy. Without holieness you cannot see god in peace. It does matter because God said it does matter how you dress.

You are right and I am wrong. I have been wrong and knew deep down other men were caused to lust after me. God may be dealing with me and my husband now, my body is changing and the last few months Ive put on quite a lot of weight and had other health issues. I guess it has taken that to get my attention.

Don't be hard on yourself..its seems to me your motivation is and was to be a good wife..but you have a right to be valued and respected by him

Thank you for the kind comment, I wish my husband felt more like you.