You might have just answered your own question when you say that part of you feels this isn't right, and you are reminded of all the times the situation has made you feel sad and depressed.
Trust your gut - if you feel it isn't right, maybe it isn't despite how much you love your partner and want things to work out.
I don't know the whole situation of course, but from this perspective it sounds a bit like he may be using you, and not respecting your feelings.
I wish you well and hope this works out well for you.

"Codependency" is reminiscent of what you are describing, NOT a healthy relationship. Love should not hurt. As the "enabler" we take responsibility for the other (narcissist's) faults and continue to try to "do better" to "save" the relationship. We love them so much and can't imagine a life without them. And they can act as if they suffer greatly without our constant attention, which is their ability to abuse and manipulate; not a functioning, nuturing partnership. Your bf is not a bad person, he has a mental illness/personality disorder that you need to learn about and avoid.

Your story is sad. I am so sorry that you feel that you are not worthy of a true loving relationship. I think you are still young enough to learn from this and move on to a more deep loving relationship. Honestly, you cannot be happy living like this. And to imagine living like this for the rest of your life is a depressing relationship filled with heartache.

Maybe I am wrong, but that is what I feel after reading your story.

Be good to yourself my friend. I'm sorry, this is not healthy.

how are you today?

I just posted my story and saw yours. I don't know what happened to love, respect, honesty and compassion anymore.

I am just writing to wish you well as I am in a same boat and having a tough time accepting that it's over because he has fallen in love with another woman. I have been torturing myself trying to find out about all the details and it has not done me any good.

I am not a religious person but recently I have been listening to Joel Osteen - I dont care what people said about him but his sermons helped me a bit. He said everyone does not have to treat us right but we should not give away our power to keep our joy and we are responsible for our own happiness.

Love yourself and be happy.

Even when I was agnostic I loved Joel. He's not only a good pastor or whatever, but he is a great motivational speaker, and can help heal the human heart. But yeah, to this post, this isn't a healthy relationship and you need to leave. Andine knows stuff, man. You should listen

thank you all for your advice and opinions, I'll think about them very carefully in the coming days...

maggiemoon - I know it may seem like he's using me (and this other guy) for his emotional needs right now. From what I understand, he's still hurting from my actions (after break up)of neglecting him for months and making him feel unloved, and has reservations in diving right back into a relationship. He did say that after what I've done, I'm not as entitled as him in emotional needs right now. :?

andine - I just looked up codependency and wow, some of those characteristics have grown the past few months, thanks for bringing that to my attention because it is definitely not healthy. I have been drinking a lot more, self esteem, denial that things will get better, etc. My bf is also codependent because he's the one who always give give give emotion, and none returned. We have discussed this before but I just didn't really get it get it.

oc kitty - We always say no none is perfect, but we do the best we can. It has come to a point that sometimes it's just not enough. I just hope that if this doesn't work, we can stay friends without feeling hurt seeing each other with someone else. I'm doing so so today, waiting for jan 1st to go by (it's our anniversary.) We've both been focusing more on work just so we're not stressed out with our relationship. Thanks for asking! hope you're doing good.

Jenesaisquoi9 - I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing the same relationship situation. It's very difficult to make decisions when emotions are involved. I'm not religious either but I'll look into Joel sermons.

ItComesInWaves342 - thanks for your advice and time on what I need to consider doing.

I guess you need to have trust and forgiveness on both sides. He can't go to someone for a part of his emaotional or sexual needs. If this relationship is going to stand a chance, you need to focus on each other. I just got out of a relationship that was kind of a yo-yo syndrom, and I understand how hard it is to forgive the pain you cause each other. There may come a point where the relationship is to damaged to continue as it is. You have to know what to fix, how to communicate, and when to quit, if it comes to that. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. Honesty is important!

philip, please take care of yourself. if you are drinking, you may want to address that. if you are unhappy, stressed and self-medicating, that suggests you are in crisis and should get some help/therapy/AA, anything to support your well-being. yes, you've both made mistakes, i understand, but YOUR health is primary. once your health is gone....

ItComesInWaves342 - The thing is, our trust has been broken a few times over the years, and rebuilt as time pass. He says that I can't satisfy him emotionally because I'm not an emotional person, so he finds that elsewhere. What really mess me up is that sometimes when he connects with someone emotionally, he has this idea that he needs to share sex with that person too. He feels that for him to have that other person, it makes him stronger to be with me. I am trying my hardest to think about this relationship to see if it's even worth it to fix and keep fixing. The more I think about it the past few weeks, the less healthy is just seems.

andine - Thanks for the caring words. I am trying my hardest to do so. Back then I tell myself I love to be with him, but I need to forget the pain of anything from trust, arguments, etc., hence the alcohol. I recognize that the alcohol problem has gotten out of hand when I got the dui, still trying to get it under control, and am still going to dui/alcohol classes for help.

Well if you guys dont match emotionally, then you need to leave, and find someone who isn't quite as sensitive, I guess. Its hard to quit when the emotional stress is still there. I wish u the best, man

philip, i'm sorry but he sounds very manipulative. it does not sound like a mature, nuturing, partnership. continue with all of your healthy support groups/activities. hopefully you will raise your self-esteem level so that you come to realize that you are worth more than this dysfunctional relationship.

I don't really think of him as manipulative, but in thinking about him some more, I guess he can be that way to a certain extent. Perhaps I'm making excuses within myself to not see him that way. I haven't really made a decision one way or other yet, it is stressful to do so, let alone think about the things we've been through. I'm still just holding on for a while longer so that I can be sure the choices I make is solidly sound.

good that your waiting until your sure. u dont want to keep coming back or regreting. but try to look after yourself.

has this advertiser been reported?

"He says that I'm his other half, that i mean the world to him." but then he CHEATS on you. He's a liar.

"I feel like he keeps this other kid around just in case things between us don't work out, then he has someone." In what universe is that OK??? "Oh, my husband keeps a girlfriend on the side, just in case, but he tells me I mean the world to him." How is that NOT Manipulative???

"I did try to leave him in Nov, but he was a wreck the day after, so i came back to stay at our apartment still." Typical, text book manipulation by an abuser. Punch you in the face, "i'm so sorry" punch you in the face "i feel terrible"....

"Yes, he still spends time with this kid, sometimes spending a night or two while I'm at our apartment alone. He asked me to wait for him to sort things out." Yeah, that's right just let him keep cheating on you.??? "Sort things out"?? what does that mean?

Honey, you've got to get to therapy, don't walk, run. You have no idea what manipulation is. This guy is classic abuser/manipulator/cheater/liar. There is NOTHING loving about his actions. Get free therapy if that's all you can afford, but get it. You need to learn what healthy is.

He's not a bad guy, it's just that his way of thinking and mine are different and we clashes.

We just clashed again a few hours ago, a pretty big fight I would say. A lot was said, but the main part was that i was texting with that kid to figure out what the hell is going on between them two. Found out they're still intimate, among other things. I confronted him. Show him the texts. The major part was him reading about the kid saying he's 'manipulative' (I'm paraphrasing) and that I agree instead of defending him. He threw my phone, yelled at me to get out. So I packed my shit and left to my parent's.

Of course that was not all that happened. There was lot lot lot more that was said but I'm too tired to type them all out right now. I guess he talked a lot about the flaws I have.

I can already kind of see he's going to want to talk some more in the near future and I'm already dreading it. I just need to move on.

u both agree he's manipulative. That's it, he's playing you. Please dont go back. Yet again, its up to u though

i wouldnt say hes manipilative exactly but very infliuential, perhaps its along the same line. what i agreed to was that the kid and i were kept out of the loop of each other (mainly i told my guy earlier i didnt want to know what they do, but i didnt expect intimacy to continue), so today was the first time the kid and i talked in a few months and the things that i found out were just unacceptable. i'm really am telling myself to not go back and be strong here, that i dont need all that complication in my life.

sorry you are going thru this. you may want to research "codependency" "abuse" and "manipulation". He's not taking any blame for his actions, it's "all your fault", which is text book abuse/codependency.

it will never get better, only worse. your only healthy choice is end ALL contact w/ him. he will continue to "influence" you in a negative, toxic fashion. you are young and healthy, don't waste your youth on someone who disrespects, insults, bullies and takes you for granted.

i found in the library "the verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans (i think is the author). as long as we listen, we allow verbal abuse. give your abuser NO audience, that's his only power over you, gaining and keeping your attention.

contact your local abuse hotline/support group and get professional help. this is a critical/difficult/vulnerable time for you.

i'm happy you have your parents, i hope that is a safe environment for you.