Confused over break-up; need help

Out of curiousity, is there any way you can still contact him and ask for a straight-forward, in-depth answer? The only thing I can relate on this was when about 2 years ago, I had been in a relationship with the same guy for about a year and a half and then he had to move away and we decided to do long distance, despite me having serious doubts. It lasted for about a month and a half to two months and things weren't that bad until he started talking to me less and then all of the sudden, he confessed that he had cheated on me and no longer had romantic feelings for me anymore. I would hate to think that he cheated on you but in my experience, ending a relationship suddenly like that means that the other person feels too guilty to even see you anymore because of something they did, or they are going through a life change or sometimes people just want to be single. Just realize that it's not your fault at all, I know that is hard and probably doesn't mean much coming from some random stranger but I'm sure he was just unhappy with himself for whatever reason and decided to end it which is not okay but it's also not your fault.
I hope you get better soon.

Sound like he has the problem. It is either an addiction or another woman may have pursued him. If you guys were happy and things were good, he probaly will be back after he gets hurt. Totally sounds like his problem. If he doesn't come back then you are proably better off without him. You have so many wonderful things about you to give there will be another one when you are ready. Don't worry things will work out. Definately he has the problem. The ball is in his court to make amends to you.

I know what you mean by the waking up every morning part...frankly, I was devastated for at least 3-4 months if not longer and I'm still suffering from the trust issues it caused even though it's been 2 years later. I remember I would beat myself up every minute of every day and just wonder what exactly happened, how something so good could have ended just like that. It was agonizing especially since I never felt like I got any closure when he broke up with me and I stayed in contact with him for awhile but then it would always bring me right back to that. For awhile, I felt so numb, he not only ended it abruptly, but he also changed, he became this totally different person than I thought I knew him to be. In retrospect, I realize our relationship was not the better and I have certainly found much better but I know it's all well and good for someone to say that but it's hard for it to actually register or mean something for a very long time. I wish someone had been there to get me through it everyday, so you can PM if you want or e-mail me at anytime. I know how hard something like this is to go through. My e-mail is: summerfirefoxy@hotmail.com
Contact me anytime you want or feel the need to. I am on fairly regularly, especially on the weekends.

Well, I may have found my understanding, and it fits the abrupt leaving scenario. Apparently his family has always worried that he was gay, and given the small, Southern town he grew up in, gayness would never be accepted, so they think he has struggled with trying to NOT be gay all his life. Unfortunately it makes too much sense. While he definitely found me attractive and I certainly turned him on, this doesn't mean that in his heart of hearts he didn't know it that it wasn't what he really wanted. If this scenario is correct, he will NEVER give in to his homosexuality, he will never admit it to anyone, and he will lead a very tortured life. Apparently his whole family was relieved when we started going out and were so happy to see him so very happy with me. They thought maybe they were wrong, or that he'd be able to "overcome" it. Wish one of them would have thought about MY possibly getting hurt in this, but I guess I can understand WHY they wouldn't...none of them wants him to be gay.

The plus side to this is that I can stop trying to understand and start healing and moving on. That's a HUGE relief to me. And it makes me sympathetic towards my ex, instead of wanting to strangle him. He is a very good person and I'd hate to not have in my life, even if it's just as friends. Now I think I can eventually get to a place where I know I can be. He may not want to be friends though, because we were so close and he may have been tempted to tell me, and he wouldn't want anyone knowing. I wish he had. Jesus, this reads like a bad movie on the Lifetime channel.

Thank you for your support. I plan to stick around for help and support and to help and support others.

Stacy

Sorry for your loss but atleast you found out the reason. Thanks for sharing. We all have our struggles, thank god for this site.

Well...at least in a way you may have helped him discover or help him realize on some level that he is gay.

Let us know how you are doing sometime when you get a chance. Take care- Stacy L

I'm still having a rough time with this. I'm not 100% sure I believe what I've been told. Whether it's true or not, when you have feelings for someone they don't just go away over night. It's still very hard to get through each day, to just put everything we had aside and try to move on. It's hard not to dwell (and I'm a champion dweller and a master of "what if") even though I know dwelling isn't helping me. I've also sort of lost my main source of support. My best friend just had her baby, so she's wrapped up in sleeping and feeding and caring for her new daughter, as well as getting over her C-section. I don't begrudge her her new baby or happiness or anything, but it's hard for me to set aside my woes and not discuss it all with her- she deserves to focus on her baby, not listen to me go on and on about what happened, especially as she's breast feeding and therefore absolutely sleep deprived. But I still miss that support. :-(

Stacy L.